As i lay asleep, i often have dreams, some nightmares; and some more beautiful than i can think of in a sober state of mind. As they say, dreams are a pathway to old memories. I realized so only lately. If there ever was a word for those dreams i would describe them as "ambivalent". These dreams often change the way you look at yourself, feel about yourself and how you measure your self worth. One such dreams made me aware of my deepest flaws. Something that i thought i was absolutely fine with : my complete lack of respect for relationships. As i lay with my eyes closed i see a figure, of divine mercy gently grasping my whole existence. And thus i remembered a deeply rooted memory, My mother holding me on her chest wrapped on a layer of protective carpet. It was the time of an earthquake of a magnitude of greater than 7. We had felt slight tremors while going to sleep, thinking of it as nothing we went to sleep. When i woke up i realize i was completely cocooned in a carpet and was being held by my mother in a way which she covered my body completely. I woke up as the innocent child as i was not realizing what i realize now. She must have been unable to carry me outside. Realizing that there was no way she could do anything to get out with me she wrapped a carpet around me and protected me with her body as a cushion from the entire roof falling on me and killing me. She had full intention of letting go of her life to be able secure my life. I realize this and also know i cannot do the same for her. This will remain my jealousy.